The Catholic Church has added seven new sins to the original seven mortal sins. I can’t name the original seven off the top of my head and frankly I’m too damned lazy to look them up now. They were mentioned in the various articles about this latest idiocy from a Christian sect which has been rapidly losing relevancy in this modern world, mainly from its own efforts, so if you really want to know what they are, go look them up. I can’t be bothered.
Anyway, here they are:
polluting
Whatever you do, DON’T FART.
Seriously, I remember doing some research years ago on some earth science requirements I needed for school or a merit badge or something, and the guy I was working with said something that has stuck with me all these years. Everything we do during the course of a day pollutes the environment. Step outside in the morning to get the paper and breathe out and BAM you’ve polluted the environment. The question is to what degree and whether the pollution is permanent or can be mitigated.
genetic engineering
“Igor! Igor! Put fluffy back in the cage! No, no, he doesn’t bite. Putting your head in his mouth is his way of sharing his love. Igor — Fluffy! Put Igor down! Fluffy! Bad Fluffy! Bad!
obscene riches
Does that mean Donald Trump can no longer justify his combover as an affectation of a rich eccentric prick? One man’s obscene riches is another’s reward for being successful. I, for one, consider highly successful and obscenely rich people role models for fuck’s sake because I would very much like to be highly successful and obscenely rich myself one day. Having money makes life so much easier than not. Therefore, having an obscene amount of money will make life obscenely easy. In this case, I suspect the Church is working from the assumption that having obscene riches yourself harms others. This is a stupid idea.
taking drugs
You can take my coffee from my cold, dead hands. Not before.
abortion
Not a surprise to me. Frankly, I can’t think of anything snarky to say here given the conflict I have with it personally. Read Freakonomics before you judge.
pedophilia
Strong bit of Irony here. The Church has just admitted what the rest of us has known for years, that the Church itself is going to hell. Woot!
social injustice
Alright! We’ll never have to put up with Paris Hilton, the Olsen Twins, or Nancy Pelosi’s face. Ever again!
“I can’t name the original seven off the top of my head and frankly I’m too damned lazy to look them up now.” Sloth was one of ‘em.
I think I’m going to go sit in my car with the engine running while I smoke a joint, scratch lottery tickets, take up a handicapped parking space, check my biogen stocks and write a check to planned parenthood (aint touching the pedophilia thing). Going to hell isn’t much of a threat to someone who already works in Santa Ana.