To Whom It May Concern

To the gentleman who got on the crowded, dare I say packed, MAX train with his road bike, I want to thank you for showing me what life is like for sardines. I was unaware until then of just how miserable a person could be standing cheek to jowl with my fellow man on a moving and jostling train with no visible means of support. I must confess, this was not within my life experience, until you so helpfully decided to jigger your way in with your bike, forcing the rest of us to re-order ourselves as though we were re-enacting the process water molecules go through when freezing.

To the selfish prick at the next stop, who saw our ode to basic chemistry, but apparently must have flunked the class in High School, and who got on the train with his BMX bike held vertically, because everyone knows they take up less room that way, I want to thank you for showing me the level to which the average person can stoop to be a narcissistic fuck in the face of harsh reality. Despite the helpful suggestion that you wait for the next train, which at that time of day was mere moments away, you got on anyway, thereby allowing the rest of us to rehearse our interpretive dance piece, titled “Water Molecules Under Pressure”.

To the two guys in the shitty red car behind me pulling out of the Park and Ride lot, I do thank you for offering up a public listening of your efforts at a sound track for the interpretive dance piece, “Water Molecules Under Pressure”, but the committee and I have decided to go with a little less vibration in the bass and speakers that aren’t ripped to shreds because you don’t understand the basic concept of wattage and amperage.